Do You Know Yourself?

"There are three Things extremely hard, Steel, a Diamond, and to know one's self."
– Benjamin Franklin

As you go on day to day, from one year to another, what is it that you are working towards? Is what you’re doing taking you closer to where you want to be, or is it taking you further and further? Look at your superiors (boss, parents, pastor, mentor, etc.), and think of whether you would want to be like them someday, or do you get excited envisioning yourself as somebody else? Some of you may have wonderful leaders in your life whom you aspire to, but some of you do not. If you hate the job of your manager, but are working towards that position yourself, chances are, you are probably not heading in the direction you want.

Many people expend most of their energy into serving the demands of family, community and society, and never take the time to ponder on the unique person they are, and what their unique purpose in life is. Perhaps, because these questions often do not give us straightforward answers is why we shy away from them. However, do the questions actually tell us more than simple answers could? Are we working so hard to please the (sometimes unspoken) expectations of our family, community & society that we are feeling listless and sometimes wonder what the meaning of life is?

Of course, having a sense of belonging is an important motivator in our lives. We all want to be part of community, and that desire is not a bad one. But, have you pretended to like something just because everyone in the group likes that? Are you in a job or studying a degree that you would have never picked for yourself, outside the influence of friends, family or society? Are you doing something just because it seems like the “Australian” (or Asian or Hispanic, etc.) thing to do?

Sometimes, it is our responsibilities (children, house, etc.) which have got us to pursue a career path we are not the least excited about. And since we’ve been stuck in it for such a long time, is it realistic to think we could ever get out of the rut? “I’ve got bills to pay and mouths to feed, you know!”

Yet, you do owe it to yourself, and to those around you, to get to know yourself, so you can live authentically and passionately. Knowing yourself does not always mean throwing away your career, family & community, but it does mean thinking of things in a different way and perhaps, doing things in a different way. Work out what you are passionate about and gifted in, and you could approach your current job with a whole different angle. If serving others is a passion of yours, think of your work as you contributing to others’ lives or to the order of things, and fuel your passion for work with the thoughts and attitudes that align better with your philosophy of life. That would affect greatly how you treat others and improve your sense of satisfaction from what you are doing.

For those of you who do not yet have a whole lot of responsibilities, rethinking your life and making the choices towards getting where you truly want to get is something you would want to consider. You are unique, and only you can fill the role that you are supposed to fill. If you do not, others who need you are missing out on that! Do yourself and others a favour and get to know yourself today.

_________________________________________________

 

Lainey Weiss, General Counsellor (on Student Placement)
BEng (Hons), GDipTheol, GDipCouns(c)
T. 9639 3875; 0423 387 182; E. lainey@counselcc.net.au

http://appointment.counselcc.net.au.

Take Action Over Stress

By Paul Kelly, a Principal of The Channel Group, a leadership and coaching practice An excerpt of an article that appeared in THE AUSTRALIAN FINANCIAL REVIEW on 24 April 2012. Reproduced with permission. With thanks to Mr Paul Kelly. 

In more than a quarter of a century of advising management and boards, I don’t believe I have ever seen the levels of stress among employees higher than it is today. 

It’s a confluence of events that has its origin in the global financial crisis that, inexorably, has rippled to every corner of business and commerce in the Western world. 

Company leaders themselves are under pressure to manage costs (read, reduce costs) and, by whatever it takes, to maintain cost-income ratios. 

This pressure, exerted from above, pushes down relentlessly on workforces and many Individuals struggle to cope. 

One of my clients recently explained she was responsible for four functions, she had 17 direct reports and no time to manage, let alone to lead … 

The impact of stress on staff is demonstrable and manifests itself in a number of ways. One option for leaders is to ignore the stress their people are under and put up with the consequences, one of which is unintended staff turnover of perhaps as much as 40 per cent a year. Another, better, option is to sharpen their focus in actively engaging stressed team members. 

Sadly, many leaders have little idea how to engage a valued, yet stressed, employee more deeply. Some things leaders may need to consider include: Scheduling agenda-free meetings with their people. Yes, I’m serious – agenda free. Pay attention and listen. You may be surprised at what you learn. Show interest in the person, as well as in the business. Accept there are times to seek professional help in whatever form that may take. In my experience, the new leaders need to increase their focus on high-value team members, offer both emotional and practical support to help them cope and be prepared to seek independent assistance in keeping their leaders accountable for these softer yet critical issues. 

 http:\\appointment.counselcc.net.au  (03) 9639 3875

Image: freedigitalphotos.net

Do you dislike your current job but not sure what else to do?

Gone are the days when people stayed in the same job until they retired. In fact, the average person can expect to change jobs 5-7 times in their life. People can dislike their job for a variety of reasons – sometimes related directly to the job or sometimes for personal reasons. A young lady studied hard to pursue a career in the banking industry. She works for a reputable finance company and has a reasonable salary but is very dissatisfied with her job. She comes for counselling and explains that she cannot work for an organisation who is concerned more about profits than people. She decides to use her skills and her passion to help people to pursue study in a different field of work and is looking forward to a more satisfying career. 

It takes courage to step out and make a change. Especially when your financial security is at stake or when you’re unsure about which direction to take? If you need help making a decision that relates to your job or career then please contact Marina Dyson at Counsel@CrossCulture.

______________________________________________________________________

Marina Dyson, General Counsellor
Associate of CCAA, Adv Dip Christian Counselling & Family Therapy
T. 9639 3875, 0402 345 039; E. marina@counselcc.net.au

Marina Dyson works with individuals and couples experiencing grief and loss, depression, anxiety, marriage and relationship difficulties and those seeking career guidance or general support during life transitions.  Marina also speaks Italian.

General Counselling begins at $5 per hour for full-time students and up to $50 max for those who work full-time.

Appointments may also be made online at: http://appointment.counselcc.net.au.

Photo: nuchylee, freedigitalimages.net

The Role of Emotions

Maybe you think of yourself as a “rational” person. Society tells us that we should not be “emotional”, especially if you are a boy or a man. But is that even possible? And is that actually wise?

Emotions are signals our body or inner self give to us when we are in certain environments. It is how people dynamically interpret and construct their experience in the present moment when they encounter their environment. Emotions direct how people relate to their world and inform them of their needs and fears. They are the link between the inner and outer realities of a person. Emotion is also viewed as experiential because when it is expressed, it draws certain responses from others. Think of how children relate to their parents. When parents are physically present, and yet emotionally distant, the children feel distressed and disconnected to them.

Many highly functional people I meet have managed to ignore their emotions in order not to be too easily influenced by them. I agree that our emotions need to be managed somehow and that we cannot just do whatever we feel like doing. However, in blocking out or refusing to listen to the signals our body is giving us, we might be missing out on some vital messages telling us what we really need and what is actually going on.

We all know of people who do not admit or deal with their anger towards someone else. They are often hostile, touchy and impatient! Emotions are tricky things. When people ignore them, they do not really go away, and you see those emotions as clear as day in their everyday interactions. Sometimes, that person is just totally oblivious to it! Other times, people wonder why they are reacting so strongly towards certain situations. Some people admit to having “unhealthy emotions” that disrupt their lives, and wish they could get rid of them.

When we refuse to get in touch with our feelings, we are not able to distinguish the different levels and types of emotions we experience. We are not able to work through past hurtful experiences and learn not to lose ourselves to bitterness. We are not able to bond with our loved ones in a way we would love to. We are not able to experience or appreciate the pains and joys of lives. We are not able to be fully honest with ourselves and those we love.

_______________________________________________________________________

 

Lainey Weiss, General Counsellor (on Student Placement)
BEng (Hons), GDipTheol, GDipCouns(c)
T. 9639 3875; 0423 387 182; E. lainey@counselcc.net.au

http://appointment.counselcc.net.au.

Photo:  freedigitalimages.net

Dealing with Anxiety Problems? Get into Action. Don’t Wait!

All of us experience stress and feel anxious from time to time. For example, feeling anxious about an exam that is coming up soon, a job interview, or even a wedding! A little of this anxious feeling is a normal part of everyone’s life, and in fact, sometimes, even helpful to us. 

According to Dr. Neil Rector, Head for the Centre of Addiction and Mental Health’s Anxiety Disorders Clinic in Toronto, “It is necessary in humans for survival and adaptation, and it is not in the least harmful or dangerous. Anxiety is typically short-lived, and in some cases moderate levels of anxiety actually enhance performance”. It becomes a problem, however, if the anxiety level reaches an extent where it interferes with your day-to-day life, that is, you feel overwhelmed by it, your health is affected, you are not able to interact with others as well as you used to be, and it is disrupting your ability to work/study. This is even more so if it has been going on for weeks, months or even longer, and it is highly important to do something about it. 

Several things that you can do:

• Stay healthy

o Eat healthily – have a balanced diet and eat regularly

o Sleep healthily – have a regular sleep schedule and get enough sleep.

o Exercise – at least 30 minutes on most days is good for you, but do not do it excessively or too late in the day (i.e., exercise no later than 3 – 4 hours before you sleep).

o Avoid alcohol - It may seem to help, but it is short-lived, and in actual fact, it worsens the situation, and makes it even harder for you to get better. 

• Relax—There are many ways to help you relax. A few suggestions include:

o Taking a walk  

o Listening to music 

o Having a hot shower/bubble bath  

o Watching a comedy

· Talk to someone

o It helps to relieve your feelings when you talk about the things that make you anxious with a friend or family member. They may have encountered similar situations with you and can help/support you go through it.    

• Seek professional help

o Lifeline (131114) – 24/7 telephone counselling services.

o Your local General Practitioner (doctor) – he/she can help identify your struggles and find the best ways for you to manage it.

o Counselling—The centre is open to EVERYONE—see details below.

________________________________________________

Appointments may be made by calling 9639 3875 or online at:
http://appointment.counselcc.net.au.

Article by Ping Yin Ngu, Child and Adolescent Psychologist 

 Photo: freedigitalimages.net

Struggling to get over the breakdown of a long-term relationship?

Anyone who gets married or enters a relationship does so with the hope of living ‘happily ever after’.  Unfortunately however, in Australia up to 50% of marriages end in divorce.  Whether you’ve been married or in a relationship that hasn’t worked out, it can be difficult to move on and forget about the past.  The breakdown of a relationship can be very painful; especially when you have invested so much of yourself into what you thought was forever.  You may feel like you can’t live without your partner and feel depressed and lonely.  Perhaps you’re struggling with identity issues as previously you were part of a couple and now you’re single.

If you need support in being able to grieve the loss of a relationship, learning from the past in order to move forward, then please contact Marina Dyson at Counsel@CrossCulture.

________________________________________________

Marina Dyson, General Counsellor
Associate of CCAA, Adv Dip Christian Counselling & Family Therapy
T. 0402 345 039; E. marina@counselcc.net.au

Marina Dyson works with individuals and couples experiencing grief and loss, depression, anxiety, marriage and relationship
difficulties and those seeking career guidance or general support during life transitions.  Marina also speaks Italian.

Photo: nuchylee, freedigitalimages.net

I have a friend whose spouse has left them. My friend doesn’t have much money now. What family law advice can you give?

It is a tragedy that in Australia, something up to 50% of marriages break down. Marriage breakdown is extremely stressful for all parties.

Our experience is that about 1 in 4 marriage breakdowns involve some sort of addictive behaviour by one of the parties. Maybe it is gambling. Maybe it is alcohol or other drug dependency. We help see clients whose spouse has been physically violent or financially abusive or repeatedly verbally abusive. This can crush the sense of self-worth of some clients.

When one party leaves their spouse and refuses to provide financial help for them, that is made worse if there is illness or other inability to earn enough income. We see lots of family law clients. We don’t handle divorces at all, but we actively push parties to independent mediation regarding children and property issues. Mediation is usually much better (and cheaper) than going to Court to resolve issues.  Through alternative dispute resolution, we have been able to help many people sort out their disputes about children and matrimonial property issues, without going to Court. As a result, they have saved thousands of dollars.

Counsel@CrossCulture is open to everyone. You don’t have to attend a church to attend Counsel@CrossCulture.  Legal Counselling as well as individual and couple relationship counselling is available.

________________________________________________

 

Pastor Mike Kirkpatrick, Lawyer / Legal Counsellor
BA, LLB, M.Div;  T. 9639 3875; 0432 339 582; E. mike@legalcc.net.au

Appointments may also be made online at:
http://appointment.counselcc.net.au.

1

Photo: Ambro, freedigitalphotos.net